Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize