put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
