I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Randomize
