I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
