Nicole vs. Life
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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