Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
