my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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