is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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