Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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