my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
