Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
