I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
