Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
