she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
