Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
