He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
