So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
