There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
