i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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