in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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