My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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