I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
