Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
