she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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