i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
