What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
