and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
