my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
he just fucked me for my cheese.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
