you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
How's work?
Spinning.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
