I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
