can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
