I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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