Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
