If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
