We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
