He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
