My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
