You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize