This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
