I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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