I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
