I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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