Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
