Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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