I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
