My sheets look like a crime scene.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize
