Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
