i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
