I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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