You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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