sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
