I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
