I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
