All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
