just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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