Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
And the cops told us we were all naked.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
