You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
