1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
