i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
