I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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