haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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