We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
