He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
