So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I got chris browned last night
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
