i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize