I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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