just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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