I accidentally burped into my bong.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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