If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
