I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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