Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
