WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
