He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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