I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you didnt know i had herpes?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
