you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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