Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
