Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
