The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
